He loves me

Next thing in the journey 
Revelation; he loves me!!
Duh!! you might think of course God loves you its the first thing you learn when you become a Christian but something I've realised for those who have been brought up in the Christian family so much of our faith can be head knowledge but not heart knowledge.

Let me elaborate from my own experience;
I knew God loved me, but deep down I felt like, "nah, he can't possibly love me!" I had been bullied as a child and it had scared my soul and it was ruining my life, I believed all the lies of my childhood that I was a reject, unwanted, ugly, unlovable. And I felt like that deep down that was who I was that if people got too close they would see that I really was a loser and they would reject me and would leave me. And these lies fed my low self esteem and begun to rule my life, not dealing with these lies, and pain and scars it was starting to have a really negative impact in every aspect of my life, like weeds trying to strangle the beautiful plant God was trying to produce in me.  

That was until I was a leadership meeting at church and we had a guest speaker and he said a profound statement that struck me -
"You will never be able to lead God's people, unless you Let God love you"

We were giving time to reflect and I was just gob smacked I was filled with God's joy and was like "I get it there is a difference knowing God loves you and Letting God love you." Letting the scars of the past rule my life was pushing God away from my heart instead of letting him love me and I finally saw myself the way I was created - a beautiful precious daughter of the King. I am not rejected I am loved and treasured and had been perused and paid for with a price, I am not ugly and I am beautiful in the eyes of the only one that truly matters. I gave him my heart in that moment and allowed him to fill me with his love 

Romans 8:38-39

New International Version (NIV)

³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. 


here are 2 songs that summed up this revelation;
I need you to love me - Barlow Girl

Why, why are You still here with me
Didn't You see what I've done?
In my shame I want to run and hide myself
But it's here I see the truth
I don't deserve You

[Chorus:]
But I need You to love me, and I
I won't keep my heart from You this time
And I'll stop this pretending that I can
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need You to love me

I, I have wasted so much time
Pushing You away from me
I just never saw how You could cherish me
'Cause You're a God who has all things
And still You want me

Your love makes me forget what I have been
Your love makes me see who I really am
Your love makes me forget what I have been

    

And Beautiful - Mercy Me

  The days will come when you don't have the strength  

When all you hear is you're not worth anything 

 Wondering if you ever could be loved  

And if they truly saw your heart they'd see too much

You're beautiful You're beautiful You are made so much more than all of this  

You're beautiful You're beautiful You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His  

You're beautiful

 
I'm praying that you have the heart to find  

Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight  

For all the lies you've held inside so long  

And they are nothing in the shadow of the cross

 
You're beautiful You're beautiful  

You are made so much more than all of this  

You're beautiful You're beautiful You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His  

You're beautiful

Before you ever took a breath  

Long before the world began  

Of all the wonders He possessed  

There was one more precious  

Of all the earth and skies above  

You're the one He madly loves  

Enough to die
 

You're beautiful You're beautiful In His eyes
You're beautiful You were meant for so much more than all of this  

You're beautiful You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His  

You're beautiful You're beautiful You're meant for so much more than all of this  

You're beautiful You're beautiful You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His