I deeply believe that in the heart of every girl is a desire to be a princess, to be rescued by a handsome charming prince and to be loved, wanted, and cherish. And Hollywood and influences around us try to feed this desire until reality hits and we are left in broken shattered pieces. We are told we should seek romance, but we are chasing fantasy; pornography for the woman’s heart. We are told to seek our prince charming, but the meaning of the word is to cast a spell, something shouldn’t be seeking, there is something more real put there for us that we could have ever imagined.
I grew up with this dream too and I was left in pieces too, but that’s not the end of the story there is hope.
I had a rough experience of primary school I received almost every form of rejection, humiliation and a day didn’t go by that I wasn’t bullied, when you live that sort of life the dream of being loved, wanted and cherished dies little by little with every harsh word and disgusted look. And all of us I’m sure experience this whether it’s through bullies at school or trouble at home, life starts taking chunks of our heart and our dream dies little by little. And then I thought there was hope in high school when boys begun to notice me and ‘liked me.’ But after one relationship that was about fulfilling my need to be like everyone else didn’t work, that hope faded died a little more.
Then I dated another guy and I thought this is it but I was more in love with being in love, than loving this guy. After that ended I thought that’s it I give up and just wait for ‘Mr right’ to find me.
So the end of high school I thought I had finally found him, this guys was romantic, and treated like a princess, he wanted to marry me and I gave my heart away little by little, we dated for 2 years and I was sure He was the One my knight in shining Armour, but then he became distant and pulled away and the relationship we once had was going nowhere maybe even backward instead of forwards, when he broke up with me it hurt so bad, because I had given my heart to him and it was returned shattered and don’t get me wrong he isn’t a bad guy, I just was trying to find something in him that would never be satisfied and I gave my heart to him for the wrong reasons.
After having a history of relationship you begin to worry that if you really do find the right one, he wont want you anymore because you are used goods. And you give up on ever having hope of being married, thinking that you are too far gone.
Now I have come to the realisation that our childhood dreams will never be met in a husband, our desire of finding a prince and being a cherished princess can be found in only one person Jesus. And I know you are probably rolling your eyes thinking this girl is a fruit cake, you can’t have that kind of relationship with Jesus and I’m here to tell you that a God designed marriage is only a reflection of the relationship we are to have with Jesus.
As I was preparing to leave for Africa, a possible relationship happened, a guy had feelings for me and I for him so I prayed about it and felt God say No, and part of me wanted to hold onto the fact that a guys likes me, you know it makes you feel special makes you feel that, that part of your heart that had the dream might not die after all. But God was saying to me No, so I had to let go and surrender and trust God but it was a struggle, I was thinking I’m 23 years old my mum was already married at my age, will I ever find marriage, will someone ever love me.
And I looked for guidance from a very wise friend and she told me I really think you need to consider Jesus as your husband and my thought was, "yeah that’s super Christian let Jesus be my first love. Heard that before," little did I realise it was the first step towards having a relationship with Jesus I could never have imagined and to find healing, comfort and to have that desire of being a princess, being cherished by a prince who thinks I am beautiful full met.
After my friend said this word to me I was praying to God wanting to go deeper not to just look at this statement on a surface level. So I was like Jesus if you really think I’m beautiful and you really want to be my husband prove it, tell me yourself.
Then I read these words and they touched a part of my heart so deep I forgot it existed.
Psalm 45:11 – “for your royal husband delights in your beauty; honour him, for he is your lord.”
WOW doesn’t that just give you tingles and take your breath away. Then came Easter, and God really spoke to me about repentance and forgiveness and I saw my relationship with Jesus different and I remember the thought of coming before your groom and due to having a history of relationships, having to hand over a heart in pieces instead of a heart that’s whole. And so I felt like God ask me to come before him and do just take hand over my heart just the way it was; to identify what I had done in my past and ask for forgiveness and to more importantly to receive his forgiveness that brings healing.
And then I heard this song and I knew it was how Jesus see’s us, the relationship desires for us and love pursues us with.
Wedding day – Casting Crowns
There’s a stirring in the throne room
And all creation holds its breath
Waiting now to see the bride groom
Wondering how the bride will dress
And she wears white
And she knows she’s undeserving
She bears the shame of history
But this worn and weary maiden
Is not the bride that he sees
And she wears white from head to toe
But only he could make it so
When some dries your tears
When someone wins your heart
And says your beautiful when you don’t know that you are
When all you long to see is written on his face
When love has come and finally set you free
On that wedding day x2
She has dancing in golden castles
And she crawled through beggars dust
But today she stands before him
And she wears his righteousness
And she will be who he adores
This is what he made her for
When some dries your tears
When someone wins your heart
And says your beautiful when you don’t know that you are
When all you long to see is written on his face
When love has come and finally set you free
And the hand that bear the only scars
And heaven touch her face (no more tears)
And last tear she will ever cry are finally wiped away
And clouds roll back as he takes her by the hand
And walks her through the gates
Forever we will reign
Forever we will reign
When some dries your tears
When someone wins your heart
And says your beautiful when you don’t know that you are
When all you long to see is written on his face
When love has come and finally set you free
On that wedding day (I am free) x4
Isaiah 54:4-5 “Fear not; you will no longer live in shame. Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you. You will no longer remember the shame of your youth and the sorrow of your widowhood. For your Creator will be your husband; the Lord of Heaven’s Armies is His name! He is the Holy One of Israel, the God of all the earth.”
Hosea 2:14-16 ‘But then I will win her back once again. I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her there. I will return her vineyards to her and transform the Valley of Trouble into a gateway of hope. She will give herself to me there, as she did long ago when she was young, when I freed her from captivity in Egypt. “When that days comes,” says the Lord, “you will call me ‘my husband’ instead of my master.”
Vs19 – 20 ‘I will make you my wife forever, showing you righteousness and justice, unfailing love and compassion. I will be faithful to you and make you mine, and you will finally know me as Lord.
Now its easy to look at these verse and say its not meant for us it was written for the Israelites, but we became God’s people too when Jesus died on the cross for all men. And its easy to think but its meant for the body the church is the bride, but why not individually, God is an individual God if you look at his history.
Psalm 23:6 Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life
Psalm 73:23-26 Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anthing on earth. My health may fail and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever
And I’ve been reading lots of books that have taken me deeper into my relationship with God one of them is called
The sacred romance by John Elderedge and Brent Curtis
Listen to what it says, pg 125
“but this side of Eden, even relationship with God brings us to a place where deeper work in our hearts is called for if we are able to continue our spiritual journey. It is in this desert experience of the heart, where we are stripped of the protective clothing of the roles we played in our smaller stories, that the Message of the arrows reasserts itself. Healing, repentance and faith are called for in ways we have not know previously. At this stage on our journey we face a wide and deep chasm that refuses us passage through self-effort. And it is God’s intention to use this place to eradicate the final heart walls and obstacles that separate us from him.
Pg 134 -135
We come to a place in our spiritual life where we hear God calling is. We know He is calling is to give up our less-wild lovers that have become so much a part of our identity, embrace our nakedness and trust his goodness.
It is in this place where God holds out his hand and asks us to give up our lovers and come and live with him in a much more personal way. Jesus appears to be holding out his hand to us he will provide a bridge over the chasm if we abide in him.
And I am just beginning a book call Authentic beauty by Leslie Ludy I read the first 2 chapters today and they have inspired me to write this blog because this message is more precious than gold. Listen to these words.
Pg:35 “The more time I spent around him, the more something inside me desperately wanted to just surrender and fall into his waiting arms. But I was afraid to let myself trust him. I was afraid of what that decision might cost me.
Over time, gradually, like the moving of the hour hand, my guard came down. No matter how many times I pulled away from him, his love remained unmoving, like a majestic, unwavering mountain overlooking a tumultuous ocean. I had even tried to convince him that I was not good enough for him. I’d told him in detail, with hot tears flashing in my tormented eyes, exactly what I had done with my life, heart and body over the past years. But I sensed that instead of judging me, he was inwardly weeping over every piece of my shattered heart. Coming face-to-face with this kind of infinite kindness left me stunned.
Pg:39-40 “Jesus Christ is your true prince.” I often say to young women, “the One who gave his very life just to be with you, the One who can rescue you from the dungeon you are in, the One who can transform you into a radiant princess, the One who can carry you away to His beautiful land to cherish you forever. He is the only one who can meet your deepest longings; He is the only One worthy of your entire heart, life, soul and body – all you are and all you have. Jesus Christ in your prince you should passionately pursue with all your heart.”
“yeah, sure, okay, whatever,” is the typical response, followed by, “but there’s this guy I met....”
Most of us don’t realise God is not a flimsy flannel board figure from a Sunday school lesson; that He is not a stern director looking down on us from heaven to make sure we obey His rules; that He is not a distant being who is too busy running the world to care about the details of our day-to-day lives; and he is so much more than someone we say we believe in to keep ourselves out of hell when we die.
He is the Lover of our soul. Our True Prince. The One we have been longing for, searching for, and dreaming of since child hood. The One who will love us the way no one else can love us; the One who will cherish us forever; the One who will transform us from a hopeless girl in rags into a beautiful, confident, radiant princess. He is the One that meets our deepest needs when human love falls short.”
Pg; 41 “this kind of fairy-tale romance between a young woman and her true Prince does not come without sacrifice. It does not come without pain. But it is the most priceless gift we will ever be offered. And it is the most beautiful and fulfilling existence we could ever know or imagine.”
Now with all this I’m not saying we shouldn’t get married and that there isn’t someone out there, but I’m saying you will always get hurt if you are looking for your desire to be met that can only be fulfilled by Jesus.
You’re heart is precious so protect it, you are loved, wanted and cherish by Jesus the question is will you let him love you and will you take his hand and let him lead you to a beautiful journey you could never have imagined.
