Answer – 2 way conversation

As we are called to have a personal relationship with our God, it sometimes can be mistaken that its a one way conversations, we give out requests to God and he answers us but that’s wrong, a relationship requires a 2 way conversation. Yesterday I really spent time consciously seeking him. And pouring my heart out to him, and then today I opened up my daily reflection book, and this is what it said;

Day 244 – Hold his hand

“For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.”

Isaiah 41:13

Holding hands communicates love and protection. Courage and strength are imparted from one person to another. Holding hands acknowledges that a strong bond exists between two people.

Imagine facing surgery, a new job, divorce, or a finance setback. Many circumstances may cause us to become fearful. We need to feel love and protection. We yearn for courage and strength to face another day. If only we had someone’s hand to hold!

God desires to help us. When we walk though life hand in hand with God, we can face anything. His love covers us. His presence is our guard. We can do all things through Christ because we are given His strength.

Do you feel as though you’re walking through life alone? Do not fear. Are you in need of love, protection, courage and strength? Reach out your hand. Allow Jesus to take hold of it. Receive His love and protection. Bask in his courage and strength. Take hold of his hand!

From Whispers of Wisdom for young woman by Barbour Publishing

WOW, I mean wow!! If you have read some of my earlier blogs you will see that God really been telling me to hold his hand, to trust him, to let him lead me and now to give me strength, support and courage through a really tough situation I am facing. How can God not exist when he is so clearly at work, he is longing for us to have a REAL relationship with him to praise him and worship him because he is worthy of praise but not being fake or having a surface relationship. But truly trusting every aspect of your life to him and seeing what he has in store, for pouring our hearts out to him, being like David in the Psalms, crying out to God and asking whether he is there, and also realising that no matter what we face in life, God hasn’t changed and still worthy to be praised. To be honest about our feelings; to be angry and tell God, to be in pain and cry to him, to be always thankful for the things he has blessed us with even when we fail trials.

John 16:33 “I have told you this that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

We are not meant to face this world alone, sometimes God places people in our life to be there for us, but Jesus should always be our no 1 support and comfort and the first hand we reach out to hold when things go wrong.

And later this week my friend gave me this verse;

1 peter 1:6-7

⁶ In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. ⁷ These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire —may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

Reminds me of Desert song –

This is my prayer in the fire, in weakness or trial or pain,

there is a faith proved more worth than Gold

so refine me Lord through the flame

Prayer meeting

God spoke to me so clearly this morning when were having a prayer meeting. A local pastor spoke about a passage in Joshua. And titled the message the Gilgal experience, talked about Joshua 4 and talked about how they went back to Gilgal to meet with God, to seek him, to rest, in times of battle. That in our life we need to concentrate on our own personal spiritual development instead of the development of our ministry. And how we need to take time out have a place like Gilgal where can retreat, rest and surrender to God. And that in this place/space you can be reminded of Gods greatness and faithfulness, can find rest – at times we can be like sheep grazing around here, there and everywhere instead of one space and God is our shepherd that knows best; that why its says The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews into my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. – Psalm 23:1-4 Renewal, help you think straightly, find healing and strength.

And this is significant to me because the last week I am been going through something tough and been in pain and sort of been grieving, and I felt God say to me come to me – you who is weary and I will give you rest. And I did one day but he was wanting to me to rest fully in him constantly to find a place like Gilgal so I could find all the above things, but I didn’t really hear it or ignored him, like he loves to speak to me with songs and there was a songs with the lyrics, be still and know that I am God and I am the Lord that healeth thee, and they were constantly in my head and I have just realised that was God calling me to rest in him. And the coolest thing is here at the farm it is so calm and peaceful and there is a great place for me to sit and connect with God and we have just discover we are about to go into the weekend and then we have 2 days of public holidays, which is great to spend a couple of days really seeking God and spending time in his presence and resting in him. How cool is that!! And I know that situation that has been weighing me down is in Gods hands. And so even though it hurts, I believe God can make everything turn good for those who love him and are called according to his will (Romans 8:28) and I really feel these lyrics in Jimmy Needham’s song Miss a thing sums it up –  

maybe there a reason for it but it’s so hard to see, so many broken people living in this lonely city, I feels right to give up but I get up and realise your blood can cover all these stains and you don’t ever miss a thing. You see it all ‘cause there is nothing you can’t see, and you can free us all because there is no one you can’t free. And even when we fall, you come and meet us at our knees. You don’t ever miss a thing, no.

No matter what you face God doesn’t change his is always our constant. And he has it in his hands. Remember to retreat and spend time with him, especially when everything isn’t going right, when our instinct is to run away, we need to run into our loving father’s arms.

The Alter – The Kingdom

So I’ll return to the place where we met,

 And I will kneel at this fire again

Cause you’ve called me by name

And placed my life on the flame

To let our self lay to rest

 So I’ll find you there

And surrender all I am

Upon the alter

I’m laying down life

on the alter  

I’ll met you in the fire

Standing in your presence once again

Standing at the where we first met

 At the alter

So I’ll return to your presense again

And I’ll surrender my will to your plan

For though I have try its not by my might

So Holy Spirit your light is in me

To the alter

I’m laying down life

on the alter 

I’ll meet you in the fire

Standing in your presence once again

Standing at the where we first met

 At the alter

And everything I am I lay down

I’ll never let this fire burn out

And everything I have I place now on the alter

Zambia – I am home 28th of June, 2012

So after leaving at 5am I finally arrived into Ndola, Zambia at 2:28pm and at the beginning of my flight I wasn’t feeling well. But as we descended I was overwhelmed with excitement and joy, I’m home, was all I could think, and I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face.

I chatted with some people in  the line waiting to get my passport stamped and I look up and there where you collect your bags is a very familiar person and big welcoming smile, it was Papa Weston as I like to call him, when my team were in Zambia we got to know Weston and his wife Liz really well as they were kind of our hosts. And I really feel like everyone who comes at the farm with them feels like they have African parents in Liz and Weston.

So as I got outside I was greeted by Weston with a big bear hug, and then I saw Nanci and it was good to see she had gotten there safely. We packed the backy with our bags and suitcases and I again had a back of the backy ride. And every part of the drive was familiar and I still couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. We stopped in town and locals were smiling and waving at me and then a young came up to me greeting me with the name Mazungo, (white person) 3 times like it was my name. And I was like yep I must be in Zambia if I am addressed as Mazungo. 

All the while I was itching to be back at the farm to see everyone I had made friends with. We arrived and I greeted everyone with big hugs and smiles, Yay home at last with my Zambian family. 

The funniest moment was when I jumped off the bucky I even greeted one of the dogs by name and it was so excited it kept following me and stopping right in front of me and rolled over practically begging me to pat its belly and give it some attention. And even as I sit here typing this the day after, he came and found me, in a completely opposite part of the farm to which they usually hang out, and is just chilling out next to me while I type. I feel so loved and feel at home :D

What has God been teaching me

So this has been a crazy 4 weeks and God had been teaching me HEAPS and here is a recap of what God had taught me, and it was perfect I really wanted to reflect on it but felt like I hadn’t had time to process it. Then I got a message from my friend asking me to fill her in on what God had teaching me absolutely everything, and I hesitated for a moment thinking, wow have I been listening, what has God been teaching, and then I realised he had been teaching me heaps and is still continuing to;

He has been teaching me about his word; how it is like the bread of life on going still now

Prayer – I felt like when I had arrived that I hadn’t being talking to God enough and then in thinking this I went to my first church service in South Africa and the sermon was all about Prayer, and fasting and all 3 of my daily devotional books talked about prayer and fasting talk about God wanting to make a point. Matthew 6 – Giving to the needy, fasting and praying, money and possessions. And in the 1^st week I was given lost of verses about how it is our biblical mandate to care for the orphans and poor. Isaiah 58:6-7

No, this is the kind of fasting I want;

Free those who are wrongly imprisoned;

Lighten the load those who work for you.

 Let the oppressed go free, and remove the chains that bind people.

Share your food with the hungry, and give shelter to the homeless.

Give clothes to those who need them, and do not hide from relatives who need help

Our weakness and Gods strength - I began looking a lot at the psalms and read Psalm 51 and verse 17 really stuck me, “The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit, you will not reject a broken and repentant heart.”

I read this verse and I thought of being broken about the children I had met, and in giving that to him, and he in turn blessed me so much with his wisdom and understanding.

And how we need to Real with God, he doesn’t want us to wear any masks in front of him, because we cant he sees straight through. He wants us to turn to him not turn away.

 And so I was praying for that to be his will for me to be able to give him a sacrifice he desires, and that made me think of this passage 2 Corinthians 12:5-10

That experience is worth boasting about, but I’m not going to do it. I will boast only about my weaknesses.

If I wanted to boast, I would be no fool in doing so, because I would be telling truth. But I wont do it, because I don’t want anyone to give me credit beyond what they can see in my life or here in my message, even though I have received so many wonderful revelations from God. So to keep me from becoming too proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud.

 Three different times I have begged God to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness”

So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. Thats why I can take pleasure in my weakness and in insults, hardships, persecutions and troubles that I suffer for Christ.

For when I am weak, then I am strong.

This is something God is really teaching me, it is one thing to talk about and be excited about God when things are good, but when things are tough, that is something else and it is beautiful. After reading Psalm 51:17 and praying I had a conversation with people back home and something happened that really broke me, and made me feel like I had a broken spirit and I had a choice to I give myself to God in my time of need and let him be my strength or do I run away and be angry. We need to boast about God because he never changes and is still faithful, and there is power in boasting about him in your weakness, pain and troubles because in that situation you can have joy and hope that people can’t understand it until they experience it for themselves

Going deeper and holding my hand - I really wanted to go deeper with God as the aim Christian; and then I read Psalm 63:1-8

I was blown away at how much it reflected that cry of my heart and then I check facebook the next day and my friend had sent me a fb post telling me I should read that very psalm :D I love verse 8

– I cling to you; your strong right hand holds me securely.

And I was listening to 2 songs on my ipod and the funny thing is, they both have lyrics that say hold my hand –

Deeper – Meredith Andrews

I’ve been waiting in shallow waters,

You’re the ocean I am after

And I wanna go with you oh I wanna go with you.

Break the silence with your whisper,

Take my hand and pull me under

Cause I wanna go, oh I wanna go with you

Chorus - Take me deeper; take me deeper,

to where you are, that i may find you.

Take me further than where I’ve been

I wanna be with you, be with you

Set away for more what my eyes see,

help me believe, help me break free,

 I wanna go, oh i wanna go with you

Chorus - Take me deeper; take me deeper,

to where you are, that i may find you.

Take me further than where I’ve been

I wanna be with you, be with you

Take me through the desert places for a chance to see your face,

take me past the breaking waves into the depths of your embrace X2

Chorus - Take me deeper; take me deeper,

 to where you are, that i may find you.

Take me further than where I’ve been

I wanna be with you, be with you X2

I am yours by Jimmy Needham

When my heart in bitter and pierced within

When i found myself senseless and ignorant

You had taken hold of my right hand

And made me continually yours

I am continually yours

I am yours I am yours

Like the sparrow in your hand

Like the lilies of the land

I am yours

I am yours I am yours

No one do I desire

You have set my heart on fire

I am yours

And I am continually yours

 Yes I am continually yours

My flesh, my heart, may fail within

Riddled with scars of former sin

Never the less I will rise again

For I am continually yours

Yes I am continually yours

I am yours I am yours

Like the sparrow in your hand

Like the lilies of the land

I am yours

I am yours I am yours

No one do I desire

You have set my heart on fire

I am yours

My crime and guilt

My darkened shame

My finger pointing I’m to blame

Are covered by crimson stain

And I am continually yours

Yes I am continually yours

I am continually yours

These are two very perfect songs for me right now, God has been reminding me of the holding my hand thing over and over again it’s in Psalm 63:8, Psalm 37:23-24, Isaiah 42:6, Isaiah 41:13 and my favourite one

Isaiah 41:9-10

I have called you back from the ends of the earth, saying, ‘You are my servant.’ For I have chosen you and will not throw you away. Don’t not be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

God’s character; Father God has been really challenging me to not just consider and know in my head that he is my heavenly father, but to really realise that’s my relationship with him is a father/daughter loving relationship and to know in my heart he is my dad. I was really challenged in Zambia when we asked a guy to do grace and prayed with Dear Dad, and then every time I have tried to pray since the words dear dad have popped into my head, like he was/is saying Bec I am your dad, don’t just address me with dear God and think of me as your father, I am your father so address me appropriately. And we also have been looking at the Lord’s prayer heaps and so God is not just God he is supposed to be my loving daddy  :D And really coming to understand the term father to the fatherless, because there is so much brokenness here in South Africa if children do have fathers here they are usually missing and drunks.

Fear; Have you heard a book called crazy love? it talks about Gods love and stuff. I’ve only read the start but it begins with the fear of God, that before we can go further in our relationship with God, we need to have a healthy understand of who he is, and to fear him. And he talks about how people usually say it’s just being in awe but so many stories have talked about people being in the very presence of God and their instinct is to be afraid and then God can reassure us, humbling ourselves before him before we can receive his mercy and grace I guess.

 Psalm 128:1-2 - Blessed are all who fear the LORD, who walk in his ways. You will eat the fruit of your labour; blessings and prosperity will be yours.

Psalm 2:11 – Serve the Lord with reverent fear, and rejoice with trembling.

Psalm 34:9 – Fear the Lord, you his godly people, for those who fear him will have all they need.

Hebrews 12:21 – Moses himself was so frightened at the sight that he said, “I am terrified and trembling.” 

We humble ourselves and recognise God’s awesome power and are in awe and we fear him and it is then he is able to say no you realise who I am, now I welcome you with open arms and say do not be afraid. WOW that’s crazy love.

Lastly my friend Ashley shared with me Isaiah 58 which I have read heaps and have highlighted and she read it the other day and something different come out and when she told me and it hit me too.

Isaiah 58:6-12

“No, this is the kind of fasting I want: free those who are wrongly imprisoned; lighten the burden of those who work for you. Let the oppressed go free, and remove the chains that bind people.

Share your food with the hungry, and give shelter to the homeless.

Give clothes to those who need them, and do not hide from relatives who need help

Then your salvation will come like the dawn, and your wounds will quickly heal.

Your godliness will lead you forward, and the glory of the Lord will protect you from behind.

 Then when you call, the Lord will answer, ‘Yes, I am here.’ He will quickly reply.

“Remove the heavy yoke of the oppression.

Stop pointing your finger and spreading vicious rumour!

Feed the hungry, and help those in trouble.

Then your light will shine out from the darkness, and the darkness around you will be as bright as noon.

The Lord will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength

You will be like a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring.

Some of you will rebuild the deserted ruins of your cities.

Then you will be known as a rebuilder of walls and restorer of homes.

WOW this is huge – that when we do all this stuff caring for the poor, loving those in need, being in tune with the father’s heart then we will shine, and be healed, our motivation should be just to do Gods will and in doing that we will be blessed. And the last part is huge about the rebuilding wall because that’s a huge theme of Hands at work – looking at enabling people to help the poorest of the poor in the African communities being just like Nehemiah in building the walls of Jericho :D

Back to Zambia

We were told by the end of orientation they will find a place and role for us to be in,  Dan asked to talk individually and he said so we are planning to send you to Zambia, you can work there being part of the RST. And even though I stayed calm and collected I was SO excited :D YAY Going back to Zambia – like going back home :D